Party Time
by Zathara001
Summary: The Enterprise's end-of-mission parties are the stuff of Starfleet legends. This is the one that gave birth to that legend. Takes place between Chapters 2 and 3 of "Unexpected Times."


Author's Note:

I've worked on this off and on for months, and it's finally close enough to what I envisioned to post it. As always, the rights in this story are given to the copyright owners of Star Trek and the song "Banned from Argo." All gratitude to Leslie Fish for writing that iconic filk song. Rated T for suggestive song lyrics.

Continuity Note:

This takes place at the end of the first five-year mission, between chapters 2 and 3 of "Unexpected Times."

Summary:

The _Enterprise_'s end-of-mission parties are the stuff of Starfleet legends. This is the one that gave birth to that legend.

"Mr. Spock, you have the conn."

The words had become familiar enough during their five-year mission that Spock barely glanced up from his station. "Aye, Captain."

What was not familiar was Nyota's departure from the bridge with the Captain.

Spock was not prone to jealousy - it was unproductive and therefore illogical - but he had no choice but to note that in the weeks leading up to their return to Earth, Nyota and the captain had been spending more time together than they had the entire five years previously.

Nyota had assured him that Jim had asked her help with the end-of-mission party, and there was nothing more than that between them. Spock believed that to be the case - at least for now.

He and Nyota had, after all, requested Jim's assistance in fathering a child for them. While Jim had offered to simply provide the requisite genetic material, Spock and Nyota had insisted that his participation be performed in the traditional manner. Jim had agreed, though he'd sworn not to pursue that until they returned to Earth… which they would do tomorrow.

Spock put aside his speculation as illogical to focus on his duties on the bridge. The end-of-mission party would begin half an hour after the end of alpha shift, and though he would prefer not to attend such events, he recognized that the participation of the senior officers contributed to overall crew morale.

And Nyota had threatened to box his ears, whatever that meant, should he not attend.

"I think you'll find it … fascinating," she'd said. He'd raised an eyebrow, but could find no logical reason not to attend.

Now, with the party only a few hours away, with Jim's anticipation humming along their bond, Spock thought perhaps he should have searched harder for a reason not to attend.

"If I may have your attention for a moment."

Jim's voice cut across the low thrum of conversation in Recreation Room One - colloquially dubbed the "Main Wreck" - and Spock looked toward the podium at the front of the room. Jim stood there, apparently casually, though Spock felt some nervousness through their bond.

"Thanks," Jim grinned as the room fell quiet - not completely silent, of course; that wasn't possible with a few hundred people in attendance.

"You all know we dock at Starbase One tomorrow," Jim said. "And I just wanted to say thank you for all of your dedication and hard work these last five years. It's been challenging, sometimes, but thanks to you, we're going home."

The room erupted in a cheer, and Spock controlled a wince at the volume of noise.

"It has been my honor, my privilege, and my pleasure to serve with you all," Jim continued when the crew quieted again. "Whatever comes after tomorrow, _Enterprise_ will always be your home." He smiled once more, and Spock thought the expression held more than a little sadness.

Then his demeanor changed again. "All right, enough maudlin sentimentality. Let's get this party started."

That seemed to be a signal, for music piped over the loudspeakers. Spock immediately categorized it as classical folk music, though he didn't recognize the tune. Several crewmembers were already tapping fingers, feet, or other appendages in time to it.

Nyota stood and joined Jim on the podium. Like Jim, she clapped in time to the music. Jim took a breath and began to sing.

_When we pulled into Argo port in need of R&R,_

_The crew set out investigating every joint and bar._

_We had high expectations of their hospitality,_

_But found too late it wasn't meant for spacers such as we._

Nyota joined him in what Spock could only assume was the chorus, about how this crew was banned from Argo, and then her voice rose alone.

_Our captain's needs were simple but his methods were complex._

_We found him with five partners, each of a different world and sex._

Here Nyota paused to let Jim give a sheepish shrug - and to let the crew laugh. Then she fell back into time with the beat.

_The shore police were on the way, we had no second chance._

_We beamed him up in the nick of time - and the remnants of his pants._

Then the crew laughed so loudly even Spock could barely hear the chorus. Then Jim grinned and sang a verse in turn.

_Our lady of communications won a ship-wide bet_

_By getting into the planet's main communications net._

_Now every time someone calls up on an Argo telescreen_

_The flesh is there but the clothes they were are nowhere to be seen._

By this time, the crew was joining in the chorus, and Jim and Nyota stepped down from the podium to wander between the tables. Spock watched Jim pause beside Pavel Chekov. Across the room, Nyota stopped beside Montgomery Scott, and Jim made an after-you gesture in her direction.

Nyota's clear voice filled the room once again.

_Our engineer would yield to none at putting down the brew._

_He out-drank seven space marines and a demolition crew._

Jim didn't miss a beat when he picked up the verse.

_Our navigator didn't win, but he out-drank almost all,_

_And now they've got a shuttlecraft on the roof of city hall._

Spock found himself paying more attention to the gathered crew as the song continued. They seemed to find the verses quite amusing, despite the morally questionable behavior described in the song, and in fact seemed to be straining to see who Jim and Nyota would stop beside next.

Besides the bridge crew, there were verses for nurses and techs, security guards and maintenance crewmen. That didn't surprise Spock as much as the detail that had gone into the verses. Jim sang of Sulu's love for plants, while Nyota picked on Dr. McCoy's generally quiet private life. And then -

Spock saw his _t'hy'la_ making his way toward him and braced for - he wasn't certain what. At the end of the verse, Spock supposed he could have been subjected to much worse than simply teaching the bridge computer how to swear - but the crew were laughing so hard, it was doubtful many of them had heard the actual words.

Then Jim and Nyota were back on the podium, standing at mock-attention, combining their voices on what turned out to be the final verse.

_Our crew is Starfleet's finest, and our record is our pride,_

_And when we play we tend to leave a trail a mile wide._

_We're sorry about the wreckage and the riots and the fuss…_

_At least we're sure that planet won't be quick forgetting us!_

Spock found himself joining in the final chorus without consciously willing it, but he refrained from clapping - not that the rest of the crew had any such self-restraint. It took much longer than Spock would have preferred for the cheering and the laughter to die down, and for Nyota and Jim to make their way to their seats.

"You see now why you had to come." Nyota said with a smile. "The song wouldn't be the same without you."

"Indeed," Spock replied, but decided that suggesting the song might have been better without the verse pertaining to him - indeed, without any verse - would be unwise. Instead, he chose to indulge his curiosity a little. "I am uncertain why you chose to begin the party with a song, rather than the traditional speech."

Jim took a long drink before answering, and when he did his expression was serious. "This crew - especially the ones who were aboard when we fought Nero - has been through a lot. A little self-deprecating humor never hurt. And it was a good way to get the _party_ part of the end-of-mission party started."

"Honestly," Nyota said, "I think he just didn't want to give a stuffy, boring speech."

"That, too." Jim agreed cheerfully, before focusing on Spock with an expression that could only be described as predatory. "Did I see you singing along?"


End file.
